伍迪·艾伦单口喜剧 | 我的婚姻 My Marriage

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I wanted to discuss my marriage, 'cause that’s important. My marriage, or as it was known, "The Oxbow Incident".
我想谈论一下我的婚姻,因为那很重要。我的婚姻,正如人们所知的那样,是个“牛轭事件” 。

I had a rough marriage. Well, my wife was an immature woman and, ah, that’s all I can say, she... See if this is not immature to you.
我的婚姻很不平静。我妻子是个很不成熟的女人,我就是这么认为的,你们看一下这是不是很不成熟。

I would be home in the bathroom, taking a bath, and my wife would walk right in, whenever she felt like, and sink my boats.
我在家里的卫生间里正在洗澡,我妻子只要心血来潮就会闯进来,把我在玩的船只弄沉。

It was partially my fault that we got divorced, I had a lousy attitude toward her.
我们离婚部分是我的错,我对她的态度很恶劣。

The first year of marriage I had a bad...basically a bad attitude toward her, I guess.
结婚的第一年,我的脾气……基本上以很坏的脾气对待她,我想是的。

I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal all the time.
我甚至老是在想将我妻子压到某个基座底下去。

We used to argue and fight, we finally decided, we either take a vacation on Bermuda or get a divorce, one of the two things, and we discussed it very maturely, and we decided on the divorce, 'cause we felt we had a limited amount of money to spend, y'know.
我们经常争论和吵架,最后我们终于决定,要么我们去百慕大群岛度假,要么就离婚,两者择其一。我们心平气和地商量完,我们决定去离婚,因为我们觉得我们的钱已经所剩无几。

A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something that you'd always have.
去百慕大度假两周一过就结束了,而离婚这件事你可以一辈子离个没完。

And I saw myself free again, living in the Village, y'know, in a bachelor apartment with a woodburning fireplace and a shaggy rug, y'know, and on the walls one of those great Picassos by VanGogh, and just great swinging...Airline hostesses running amok in the apartment, y'know.
我发现自己又重获自由,我住在格林尼治村,一间单身公寓里,里面有燃烧木料的壁炉和粗糙的地毯,墙上挂着的是梵高画的众多的毕加索伟大画像中的一幅。我享受着放浪形骸的生活??和空姐们在屋子里胡作非为。

And I got very excited, and I ran into my wife, she was in the next room at the time, listening to Conelrad on the radio, y'know.
我兴奋异常,跑进我妻子的房间,她那时就住在我隔壁,正在收听“电磁波辐射控制”电台。

I laid it right on the line with her, I came right to the point, I said "Quasimodo, I want a divorce".
我开门见山、直截了当地对她说:“卡西莫多,我要离婚。”

And she said "Great, get the divorce", but it turns out, in New York state, they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery, and it's weird, because the ten commandments say "Thou shalt not commit adultery", but New York state says you have to.
她说:“好啊,离婚就离婚。”可是事与愿违,在纽约州,有一条奇怪的法律:除非你能证明存在通奸行为,否则不予离婚。这真的很怪异,因为“十戒”里说:“汝等不许行邪淫。”可纽约州却说你不做不行。

Well, finally, what happened was, my wife committed adultery for me.
好吧,最终发生的事是:我妻子为了我行了邪淫。

She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.
她总是比我更加容易机械地受到影响。

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