伍迪·艾伦单口喜剧 | 大师雷纳尔多 The Great Renaldo

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Listen to this. I was watching one night the Ed Sullivan Show, and Sullivan had on a hypnotist called The Great Renaldo.
听听这则故事。有天晚上我正在看“爱德·沙利文秀”,沙利文请来个催眠师,人称雷纳尔多大师。

And Renaldo got four guys up of the audience, and he hypnotized them, and he said to them "You think you are a fire engine".
雷纳尔多从观众里面挑出四人上台,对他们实施了催眠,他对他们说:“想象一下你是一辆救火车。”

And I'm home watching and I get drowsy and I fall asleep.
我是在家中看的电视,倦意袭来我就睡着了。

And I wake up an hour later, I turn the set off, and suddenly I am seized with an uncontrollable impulse to dress up in my red flannel underwear.
一小时之后我醒了过来,我关掉电视。可忽然之间我被某种无法控制的冲动牢牢抓住,即刻穿好一身红色法兰绒内衣。

Which I do, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror.
穿完后我对着镜子打量一下自己。

Suddenly the phone rings, I burst out the front door and start running down Fifth Avenue fast, making a sirens noise.
突然电话铃响起,我一下冲出前门,飞快地跑上第五大街,嘴里还响着警笛。

At Fourteenth Street I hid a guy at an intersection, who was also wearing red flannel underwear.
在十四街的一个十字路口,我碰到一个家伙也穿着红色法兰绒内衣。

We decided to work as one truck.
我们决定整合成一辆卡车。

We start running down to the Village. Suddenly two guys in red flannel underwear pass us running uptown.
我们开始朝着格林尼治村方向跑去。突然又有两个身穿红色法兰绒内衣的家伙从我们身边经过,往城外跑去。

We figured, they must know where the fire is. We turned and followed.
我们合计他们一定知道哪儿着火了,于是我们调头跟着他们。

At Eighty-sixth Street a cop flags us down, because there is four guys in red flannel underwear running in the street.
到八十六街时有个警察挥舞着旗子将我们拦下来,因为我们四个身着红色法兰绒内衣在街上疯跑。

He said, "You’re coming down to headquarters, get into the car."
他说:“你们得跟我去局子里一趟,赶快上车。”

I start giggling hysterically, because this jerk is trying to get a fire engine into a lousy little Chevy.
我开始歇斯底里地咯咯大笑起来,因为这个傻瓜想把救火车塞进一辆破雪佛兰车里。

And down at the station there is hundreds of guys in red flannel underwear.
到了警局,那里已经聚集着几百个身穿红色法兰绒内衣的家伙。

These...I should just add, parenthetically, these stories are true. These things actually happened to me.
这些事,我得说明一下,这些故事都是真事,这些事情的确在我身上发生过。

I don't make them up. My life is a series of these crises that I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom, and a moth ate my sports jacket.
我没有瞎编。我的一生就是一系列这样的危机。比如几个月之前的夜里我回到家里,我打开我卧室里的壁橱,发现一只蛀虫吃掉了我的粗花呢夹克。

He was laying on the floor, nauseous, you know.
它躺在地板上,正犯恶心呢。

It was a yellow and green striped jacket, y'know.
那是一件黄绿条纹的夹克。

The little fat moth laying there, groaning, you know, part of a sleeve hanging out of his mouth.
那只肥肥的小蛀虫躺在那儿,呻吟着,剩下的一部分袖子挂在它嘴里。

I gave him two plain brown socks. I said, "Eat one now and eat one in a half hour."
我又给了它两只纯褐色的袜子。我说:“现在先服一只,隔半小时再服一只。”

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